Sex and Candy
by Vengeance on a Dark Horse
Summary: Sex and candy. Every chapter will be about one or the other…or both. Which, oh which, shall it be? A series of DELENA one-shots in no particular order. (Main title and chapter titles inspired by that '90s favorite, Marcy Playground's 'Sex and Candy'.)
1. HANGIN' ROUND DOWNTOWN

**Sex and Candy**

**Summary: Sex and candy. Every chapter will be about one or the other…or both. Which, oh which, shall it be? A series of DELENA one-shots in no particular order. (Main title and chapter titles inspired by that '90s favorite, Marcy Playground's 'Sex and Candy'.)**

**I**

**HANGIN' ROUND DOWNTOWN**

There was something in my pocket, stabbing into my leg and driving me nuts.

I was in no mood for the quibbles of the present-day. Now, I realize that _quibbles _is a very stupid word, so I'm not going to bother explaining. I'll just say one simple thing: _music._

When you are a man like I am a man – and when I say that I mean a man that has been around for over a century – there is something just downright unfulfilling about today's music.

"Well!" I said, my arm lunging forward and flinging the liquor in my glass to the fireplace. The flames flared in a sudden desperation, evaporating the alcohol with the rapidity of an age-old alcoholic. And believe me, with all the liquor I've downed, I know one when I see one.

"Well," I repeated, a little louder this time, hoping to gain an audience, "I'm going downtown!"

No one looked up. The children were doing their homework it seemed. I rolled my eyes. You'd think with the number of classes they have all missed at this point, they would just call it quits and take up distance learning.

"Correction!" I lifted a finger, the same hand that held my crystal liquor glass, "I'm going to the strip mall…because apparently that's as close as we get to the city in this _small ass town!_"

Nothing.

So I decided to play a game. I threw my glass onto a cushion of the couch and slapped a hand over my eyes, squeezing my lids closed and tight. I drifted my free hand in a wandering point, gesturing to the poor, lost souls scouring over their homework.

"Eenie, meenie, miney, mo!" I opened my eyes and then walked over and snatched the poor loser by the scruff of his leather jacket, like a lioness taking her cub by the loose skin on its neck.

"C'mon down, Jerms, you're the next contestant on the Price Is Right!" I hollered, dragging Jeremy behind.

"Damon!" Jeremy groaned, "I _have _to do my homework!"

"Nooope," I gave a decisive shake of my hand as I opened the door and hauled him out with me, "I'm going drinking!"

"Damon!" Jeremy yanked away, and for the sake of keeping things interesting, I let him go, "I'm underage – you can't possibly believe Elena will—"

"Ha!" I let out a sharp laugh and kneaded the skin over my brow with my thumb, "No, no, no. Jeremy, what did I just say? _I'm _going drinking – _you _are going to drive me."

I pulled out the keys from my pocket and threw him at his face, but being the Hunter that he is, he alas caught them before they made impact.

Before he could protest, I was already opening the door to my car and snuggling into the fine leather seating. He groaned another protest, which I gladly ignored, but he made no further complaint. No wonder, it was the convertible I was letting him drive.

He revved the engine and screeched off round the corner. Before I knew it, there we were – downtown, deep in the heart of Mystic Falls's dear beloved strip mall, the center of all economy, and most importantly, the home of that single solitary bar. _My _bar.

"Behold!" I shouted as the entry door clattered open, hitting the walls as I walked into the bar, "I have returned."

It was empty – except for Matt, who wiped another table clean and gave a dull nod of acknowledgment – to Jeremy, not me. And then of course there was Drunk Bob.

"Hi there, boyo!" said Bob, but Bob says hi to everyone because, well, he's Bob, and he's drunk.

I swaggered up to the bar and tapped on the wood.

"_Baaaartender!_" I shouted, and Jeremy strolled up next to me with a roll of his eyes.

"Christ, Damon," Matt cursed, hopping to it and jogging across the length of the restaurant toward the bar.

"Bartender! I need a drink!" I shouted again, slapping the surface of the bar as Matt came up to the other side and glowered at me.

I curved my brows and gave Jeremy a nudge with my elbow, "_Je-_sus, the _service _around here!"

"What do you want, Damon?" Matt grumbled.

I gave a dramatic cough and straightened my jacket, cracking my neck and my knuckles. Then I tapped my fist on the bar and shouted out my order.

"The usual, please!" I declared. Matt rolled his eyes, pulled out the liquor and poured me a shot. I downed it. He poured another. I downed that, too.

Both Matt and Jeremy were looking at me intently. I smiled at them smugly and pointed my fingers at them, wiggling my fingers.

"_Judgy McJudge!_" I said, "Please, sir, may I have another?"

Matt sighed and poured one more – wait, I already downed that, too.

I started to jump in place, loosening my limbs, feeling light and airy. I moved my arms and then my legs – waving them in a way and then curving them in a strange sort of improvisation.

"What the hell is he doing?" Jeremy mumbled over the bar.

"I think…" Matt narrowed his eyes, "I think he's dancing?"

"He's dancing to this shit?" Jeremy perked his ear – it was the light lilting of bluegrass.

But I was hopping all around like the Easter Bunny on amphetamines by now, and there was no stopping it.

"Can't you hear it?" I shouted over the pounding of chaotic dance. I ran up to the bar and slapped my hand on the wood. I downed another.

Then I ran up to the jukebox.

"I hear it!" Drunk Bob hollered back to me.

"You see! Bob hears it!" I shouted again and clicked through the jukebox until, _voila!_

The sweet sound of a sax shot into the ear, and I danced my way back to Jeremy's side.

"Jazz, boys, jaaaaazzzzzzzzzzz," I sibilated until the _zzz_'s faded into the air, and then knocking my knuckle on the wood, I ordered another drink.

I could hear the sound of a door swinging, but I paid no attention – Matt didn't give me that drink.

"Hey!" Jeremy shouted to the door. My eyes were fixed on Matt. Where's that drink?

"_Bartender!_" I hollered.

"Alright, alright, alright," Matt said with a groan, pouring me another shot. I snatched the shot glass in my hands and was about to toss it to the back of my throat, when a familiar warmth encroached from behind and squeezed around my waist. I could feel her cheek graze against my back as she wandered her face against me until she settled her chin on my shoulder.

"Hi there, handsome!" she said.

I tossed the liquor to the back of my throat and landed the shot glass face down on the bar. There was something in my pocket, stabbing into my leg and driving me nuts.

I turned around and gave a prurient smile, my eyes glowing with the heat of desire when I saw her, as though I could eat her all up just by looking at her. She smiled back, ear to ear.

"You hear it?" I said, raising a brow. She perked her ear and listened to the sax and listened to the singing…

"Billie Holiday?" she said, "I love jazz."

I pinched her nose with my finger and leaned in to land a kiss, but there it was again, stabbing into my leg. I pulled it out and offered it in front of her.

"Lollipop?"

She reached out to take the sucker, and I stole that kiss when she wasn't looking.


	2. CHERRY PIE

**WARNING: **_**Though not explicit, this chapter has suggestive material that may qualify as a STRONG T.**_

**Sex and Candy**

**II**

**CHERRY PIE**

I was tangled up in a throw-on blanket like a mummy and was sitting on top of the velour comforter that separated my skin from his. There was a television on top of the dresser at the other end of the room – it was on for some reason, and I was watching it intently.

Not that I could say what was on. It was noir, I think, because most of the screen was black, and if I cocked my head far enough to the left I could see his reflection in the blackness.

I was sitting on top of him wrapped up in my blankets, and I could see his jet hair all muffled with sleep and matted into angular spikes. There was a twinkle in his eyes as he reached up a hand.

As much of a mummy as I was, there was a thin opening in the sheets and with a slight cock of his head to the right he could see through to the bare skin along my waist and back.

His hand lurked up slowly like a cat stalking in the night until I could feel the gentle ruffle of the blanket and the crisp stroke of his fingernail as it stroked up my backside.

I shivered.

"You ready?" he finally said, breaking the long-held silence.

"Mhm."

Now both his hands reached up and pulled down the sheets until my naked shoulders and back were revealed. I clung to the blanket corners on my front side, hiding my breasts from view.

Again, I tilted my head and saw his reflection. He was leaning over and grabbing the glass jar from the end table.

As soon as his hand touched the glass, he instinctively pulled back.

"Hot?" I said.

But he said nothing and merely reached out again, seizing the jar and placing it on the comforter between us.

I could hear the sound of a metallic lid opening. Then suddenly, I realized I was holding my breath.

"Don't you think this is a bit strange?" I proffered.

"How so?" he said, placing the jar lid aside and licking the dark liquid off his fingers with moist smacks of his lips.

"I mean, whose idea was it first?" I pondered aloud, "You have to admit – the first guy to try this out must have been a bit _special_."

"Who said it was a guy?" He reached one long index finger into the jar and used it as a spoon, churning through the thick liquid in wide open sweeps.

"C'mon, Damon!" I squeaked, "You have to admit this is a bit…"

I lost my train of thought as I caught sight of his reflection. He lifted his finger out of the jar and the chocolate drizzled down his whole hand until it started oozing in little rivulets all along his arm.

"Kinky?" he suggested and then with one move he held his hand over me and the steaming chocolate began to sprinkle down my back.

I flinched and leapt forward, tripping all wrapped in my sheets and falling flat onto my face. My head was buried in a billow of blankets, and all tangled up I was stuck in an awkward arch like an inch worm slinking across the floor.

The sheets fell further down my back and could feel the open air against the upper side of my rump. I knew he could see. And I felt the crimson burning in my cheeks.

I didn't bother to move. I stayed right where I was, as uncomfortable and clumsy as it was.

Then I could hear the rustling of the comforter as he slid out from under the sheets. He ducked low on his limbs, creeping up to me like a soldier in a trench. Reaching into the pile of blankets, he moved them aside until he could see my red face and I could see his dazzling teeth.

_His smile…_

"You stuck?" he chuckled.

"Shut up!" I stuck my tongue out and burrowed myself a little deeper into the covers, hiding my face again.

"No, no!" he protested, "Come back!"

"Never!"

With one yank, he pulled all the covers away and I could see him there, naked, kneeling on the bed holding all the bedding in his hands.

He threw it all aside and then let himself flop limply on the bed beside me. He lay on his side with an arm bent so he could rest the back of his head on his hand. He brought up his other hand in front of him – it was covered all over in chocolate.

"Hi, there," he smiled, sticking a finger in his mouth and lapping up the chocolate in one quick slurp.

"Here," he said putting out another finger up to my mouth. I licked my lips but flashed a hesitant glimpse into his eyes.

But they were such inviting eyes.

"You know you want to…" he purred.

I opened my mouth and he snaked his finger into me. I could taste the deep dark chocolate sink into my tongue. He slid his finger out of me, wet and clean.

"Some lipstick for madam," he said and took my chin in hand. With his grip, he had his palm cupped around my cheek and his chocolate-covered thumb at lips. As he bit his own lip, he stroked his thumb across mine until my mouth was covered in chocolate.

He leaned over and gave me a long kiss, sucking on my lips for a moment. Then he pulled back and took in a deep breath with his eyes closed.

"Mmm," he groaned with satisfaction, "Tastes like cherries."


End file.
